I was six hours into a technical call that was going nowhere fast. All it did for me was deprive me of my breaks and left me getting more frustrated by the minute. I had done absolutely everything I could think of to resolve the customer’s issue with his Internet service and he himself was getting angrier with my lack of what he called technical expertise.
“What’s next, genius?” the customer hissed. “My service is still not working.”
I sighed and clicked on the link on the screen to take me to the next step of the troubleshooting process. Then I sat up, staring at the screen in disbelief. A script I had never seen before had just loaded for me to read to the customer. I read the script several times before a smile formed on my face.
“Hello?” the customer snarled. “Are you still there or are you just waiting for me to hang up?”
“I’m sorry,” I read out loud, “we have been on the phone for the past 6 hours and have exhausted all efforts to resolve your issue. Could you please close all running programs on your computer and leave the room?”
There was a stunned silence. “Why do you want me to leave the room?” the customer asked.
I continued reading the script. “My efforts to help you resolve your issue have been hampered by your snotty attitude that indicate symptoms of withdrawal from viewing web sites with smutty content and consuming valuable bandwidth downloading smutty illegal smutty copies of smutty full-length smutty movies. For this reason I ask that you please leave the room so I can blow up your smutty computer.”
“Blow up my computer!” the customer yelled. “I’d love to see you try!”
“I’d ask that you leave the room first,” I said.
“No, go ahead! Blow it up now! I doubt there’s a link you click on over there to make my computer blow up in my face!”
“Last warning,” I warned. “Will you please leave the room now?”
“You asked for it.”
I clicked on the link to detonate the customer’s computer and seconds later there was a loud bang that terminated the phone call. Immediately all the other agents in the call room rose to their feet and gave me a standing ovation.