Panic from the White House.

MEMO TO EMPLOYEES: Erroneous White House Emergency Alert

We have received notification of a White House Emergency Alert triggered in error by a White House staff member. Customers may see a message on the screen reading “White House Emergency Alert” before cutting to a view of President Obama sitting at his desk in the Oval Office, drinking an entire can of diet cola in one gulp and letting out a humongous belch. There is no ETA at this time and we are working to resolve this situation as soon as possible.

Here are some things to keep in mind when helping customers reporting this issue.

1. Try very, VERY hard not to panic.
2. Without panicking, apologize for the inconvenience.
3. Try very, VERY hard not to panic.
4. Inform the customer (without panicking) that our engineers are presently working to resolve this issue once they get over their urge to panic.
5. Should you feel the need to panic, there will be sound-insulated panic booths set up in the call room to allow you to scream your head off without disrupting other calls in progress.

Thank you for being a valued employee.