Providing legal services to stick figures since 1998
My name is Stick Studley, and I am working tirelessly on behalf of hundreds of stick figures who have been maimed, mutilated and killed in stick figure death animations. If you are a stick figure and have been victimized by brutal animators, let me help you get even.
Counseling Services
If you’re a stick figure who survived a brutal animation, there’s no doubt that the animation has left some deep emotional scars. Through my therapy sessions, I can assist the healing process and help you get back on your feet. I can also help erase the horrible memories of torture and blood that too many stick figures are forced to live with each day. For the more extreme cases, I can also erase your mind completely so you have absolutely no memory of having survived a stick death animation. Whichever form of treatment you choose, you can take comfort that there is a way out of living with daily pain and despair.
Courtroom Services
I have enjoyed a flawless court record of taking stick figure death animators to court and forcing their web sites to be shut down. I have the ability to skillfully manipulate the courts in my client’s favor each and every time.
The unfortunate soul pictured above is Ugly Vapor, who ran a web site called Ugly Vapor’s World of Stick Deaths. It featured dozens and dozens of horrifying stick death animations that killed sticks in the most horrible of ways. One stick figure that escaped came to me for help, and I promptly filed the papers for the lawsuit. The lawsuit dragged on for many months, mostly because of the jury fainting each time one of Ugly Vapor’s animations was shown. The end result: Ugly Vapor was convicted, fined and sent to his room without dessert. His domain, uglyvapor.com, was seized and Hollywood producers consulted to make a movie with that title to ensure that Ugly Vapor does not kill stick figures again. My career is decorated with such success stories.
Revenge Services
In an effort to contain and reduce the growing number of stick death sites, I deploy thugs and hitmen to drop by stick death animators’ houses for a surprise visit. After beating the animators senseless, they also destroy their computers and every last trace of their animations. Then they fix the scene to make it look like the animators themselves destroyed their computers in an angry rage.
But it doesn’t stop there. Our hitmen also leave subliminal suggestions into these animators’ subconscious minds that whenever they think of making stick figure deaths, they will make animations of stick figures happily dancing in flower beds instead. This unique approach to controlling the spread of stick figure death sites has already halted more than 20 sites.
Contact me today for a free initial consultation.
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