Black mulch for sale.

“Welcome to Sellmart,” the greeter greeted with a greeting grin, “What can we help you find today?”

“Yes, I’m here to get the black mulch you have on sale,” I replied. “Where would I find it?”

The greeter stopped grinning. “You want what?”

“Black mulch,” I repeated. “Oh, I take it I can find it in the garden section. Thanks anyway.”

As I headed towards the garden section, I could hear the greeter call out, “I wouldn’t get the black mulch if I were you.”

I continued to the garden section anyway. Once I arrived there I began looking for the black mulch that was on sale. Only I couldn’t find it, so I found a sales associate to help me.

“Yes, sir,” he greeted with his greeting grin, “What can I help you find?”

“I’m looking for the black mulch you have on sale,” I replied.

Immediately the sales associate’s grin vanished to give way to a look of grave concern with a touch of panic.

“I-I’m sorry,” he stammered, “What was that again?”

“Black mulch,” I repeated. “Where is it?”

“Why not get some blue mulch instead?” the sales associate suggested. “Or maybe something purple?”

Now I was getting annoyed. “Buster, I came here for the black mulch you have on sale, and by golly, that’s what I’m going to get!”

Then my eyes caught sight of a pile of black mulch in the corner of the garden section, hidden underneath some blue tarps. I walked over to the pile, tore off the tarps and grabbed the black mulch I needed. Immediately there was a deafening commotion as a nearby heavy metal band began to play and a heavily tattooed man began to sing:

Blackened trees from barren lands
Cast to shreds by morbid hands
Packed and shipped out by the bale
Now you bought some, they’re on sale
Take it home and lay it down
Casting darkness on the ground
Through no beam of light can go
Now no weeds will ever grow

Immediately the band stopped playing and the usual quiet atmosphere returned to the store. I proceeded to pay for the mulch and passes by the store greeter on my way out.

“Have a nice day, jerk,” the greeter snarled.

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