The Depublican debate began on a startling note with the arrival of Cen Barson, much to the annoyance of rival candidate Tronald Dump.
“Well, look who’s here!” mocked Dump. “The man who’s last in the polls, failed to win any states during the primaries and just announced he may be ending his campaign! So what brings you here, hungry for more humiliation?”
Barson heartily laughed at Dump’s remarks and replied, “On the contrary, I believe I’m very much still in the running. Shall we begin?”
And so the debate began as hostile words flew back and forth. Ced Truz, Rarco Mubio, Kohn Jasich and Tronald Dump exchanged insults and accusations while Cen Barson just stood silently behind his podium and watching the debate unfold.
“Look at this!” Dump yelled. “We’re now 20 minutes into the debate and Dr. Barson hasn’t said one word! Go ahead, Dr. Barson, isn’t there anything you’d like to say?”
“No, just carry on,” Dr. Barson replied, producing a red plastic lunch box and placing it on his podium.
“What’s that?” Truz asked. “Your vision of America?”
“No,” replied Dr. Barson. “Here, I’ll show you.”
Dr. Barson opened the lunch box and lifted it for all to see. It was completely empty.
“Sorry to be the bearer of bad news, but I think someone stole your SpaghettiOs,” Truz snickered. “If you’re trying to impress us-”
Suddenly Truz stopped speaking. None of the other candidates said anything either; they just stared into the audience with increasingly worried faces. The audience stared back silently before some of their faces began lighting up as if they had just received some embarrassing information about the candidates. Most people smiled, some people began snickering while others let loose with fits of laughter.
Meanwhile on stage, the worries faces of the candidates turned into fear and panic. Truz suddenly screamed and ran off the stage, while the other candidates gripped their podiums as if trying to hang on during the escalating commotion. Next to run off was Mubio, followed by Jasich, leaving Dump alone on stage next to Barson. Dump was sweating, panting and gripping his podium to the point of nearly ripping it to shreds. Just before he ran off the stage, he shouted, “You do NOT, I repeat, you do NOT print that!” Then he too fled, leaving Barson the only one on stage.
Unlike the other candidates, Dr. Barson had on a look of enjoyment and confidence as he closed the red lunch box. “I take it you enjoyed the show,” he said. “Good night.” With that, he casually carried the mysterious lunch box off the stage and the debate was over.
As a result of the bizarre debate, Dr. Barson saw his campaign roaring back to life. He surged in the polls and began winning enough primaries to make it to the nomination. None of the other candidates ever dared to cross him and his Red Lunchbox of Embarrassing Secrets.