Hiker.

Once again it’s time to dust off my old journal books and dig up another story. The idea for the following story came to me while I was going for a walk in a field in Oklahoma on a hot afternoon. During the walk I began imagining the following sequence of events in a story I would write upon my return home. I hope you enjoy it.

It was a hot day in Oklahoma. The temperatures had soared up to the mid-90’s, making air-conditioners a necessity. The sun was floating high in the sky, baking the Earth and making the sand so dry that it cracked.

Then, there was a crunch as a ball of sand exploded under someone’s weight. This someone was an unknown person in town, but his history was filled with daring exploits, such as being stranded on a lone island and being alone on the Sahara. This man, wearing boots, jeans, a jeans jacket, a blue shirt, and a cowboy hat, was to accomplish something that he had always dreamed about. You, dear reader, are going to find out what.

This man was walking in a field of cracked, dried-up mud when he saw a farmer, sitting in a tractor, trying to plow up the dried mud. The farmer saw him approach and smiled weakly and turned off the engine on the tractor.

“What can I do for you?” asked the farmer.

“I’m looking for a hidden Indian temple.” replied the man. “It’s in the middle of a forest, and protected by some village. Could you know where it is?”

The farmer shrugged and said, “Wal, I think the temple probably is over there yonder in that forest. I doubt you’ll find a temple, but it’s worth a try.”

“Thank you.” said the man, then walked on. The farmer watched him in great wonder. This could be a man to make Edmond famous, thought the farmer. The farmer shrugged again, then started the tractor and then continued his plowing.

The man climbed up some hills and then looked around. There was a huge forest surrounding him, with an unknown path that could lead him to this temple. There was a barbed-wire fence in front of the forest that posed as the only obstacle. Just then, a second obstacle came into sight. There were a group of boys that called themselves the Scorpions that dressed entirely in black and walked over to the man.

“Hey!” yelled a boy. “You are trespassin’ Scorpion territory. You cannot pass!”

“I need to, because I am looking for an Indian temple in the center of the forest.” said the man.

“Ha!” yelled the boy. “We know this forest inside an’ out. We have seen no temple. Now git!”

The man, named Hiker, refused. He promptly requested, “I really need to pass, regardless of what you snoops say. Let me pass!”

“OOOO!” yelled a fat boy. “He’s calling us snoops!”

“Yes, Chunky, I am!” yelled Hiker.

“That does it! This man ought to be beaten to the pulp! Attack him!”

At once the boys jumped on Hiker. One by one they struggled to down him, but without success. He kicked the fat one down with a motion of his boots, which had spurs on their ends. Then, Hiker punched and kicked his way out of the boys’ reach. When all the boys were down, Hiker ran swiftly to make a huge jump over the barbed wire fence. Then, he ran into the Scorpions’ head honcho.

“I saw what you did to my boys. You sure hadum t’ taste bad luck. Now, taste this!” The boy threw a live scorpion on Hiker. The creature crawled on his neck and crawled inside the shirt.

“I thinks he like you!” laughed the Honcho. Hiker reached into the back of his shirt, grabbed the scorpion and threw it in the boy’s face. The scorpion stung the leader several times, and he roared in pain. Hiker was already gone, running deeper and deeper in the forest. The tramping on the leaves woke several boys, who jumped up and chased him. Hiker was in a frenzy trying to escape the coming danger. He had no choice but to run ahead. The man was trying to escape the coming danger, and it was all that.

“Where did he go?” asked one boy.

“Beats me, but let’s keep going.”

Meanwhile, Hiker was resting. With his back leaned against a tree, he was planning his route, to go ahead would be one choice, but to go another way would be another choice. He would have to rely on his instincts to find the temple. Suddenly, a head with a shrunken eyeball lowered itself next to Hiker.

“Hello,” said the honcho. Hiker screamed, jumped up and ran at full speed, swiftfully dodging a huge tree. The honcho attempted to chase him and ran into the tree. Hiker heard the boy yell in pain and smiled. With one great leap, he jumped into a bush and rested. The chasing boys dashed right past him. Hiker was very scared. He closed his eyes and prayed to God. He requested that he be guided to the temple, walking right through danger and trees, and be blessed once he reached the temple.

When he stood up, he saw a boy collide with the tree. He smiled and jumped out of the bushes and ran on. One boy ran into a tree and knocked himself unconscious. Hiker frowned and stooped again and prayed to Dog, his favorite god. He said the same prayer, whenever he reached the temple, he would be blessed.

When he stood up, he smiled. It was raining diarrhea. The huge brown chunks splapped down on the ground, thus drowning many boys who were chasing him. Dog gave him a allber’mu for protection. This was an umbrella. Hiker walked on, watching a diarrhea-soiled boy stand still, sinking into the brown mud while he was pounded on the head by the diarrhea. When all the boys were downed, the bold man asked Dog to remove the diarrhea rain. The diarrhea evaporated mysteriously, allowing the man to proceed with no danger in sight.

Hiker marched proudly with confidence. Suddenly, the Lived jumped right in front of Hiker and yelled, “Hiker! Do not proceed! You will not find the temple! Don’t dare go on! Turn back and risk the Scorpion gang! Don’t go on! Don’t go on! Turn back! I’d do it if I were you!”

“Boo!”

The Lived exploded in a huge ball of flame. Then Hiker ran on.

Hiker now ran on to the small bend in the trail. He was now in the very deepest section of the forest. Mr. Hiker, he thought, you are in very deep trouble.

Then, he ran on to a stream of rapidly pouring water. The stream was blocking his path to an opening in the bushes.

Hiker then started to cross the creek. All of a sudden, the creek turned into a man. And, the man said, “You are a fool. You must not cross the creek. The creek is non-existent and so is the temple. Don’t dare to cross me!”

“Your fly is open!”

The man looked down, yelped, and exploded into a ball of water and then evaporated.

Free!

Hiker was so free, he ran across the dry creek and ran through the opening and met an open field. He ran into a huge scorpion and a huge bulpoopoo, a giant caterpillar with muscular arms. The scorpion snapped at Hiker and the bulpoopoo laughed. “See ya git outta this one alive, palette!”

Hiker got mad.

Then, he screamed. The scorpion lifted off the ground and blew up and exploded all over the earth. The bulpoopoo yelled, “I can scream!”

Then it screeched in an annoying tone.

Hiker covered his ears. He got into pain from the screaming. After it stopped, Hiker had a horrible ringing in his ears.

Frustrated, Hiker, picked up a rock and threw it at the creature. The creature burst and then, air escaped from the body, forcing the body to fly crazily in the air until it was completely shrunken.

FREE!

Now, and happy, Hiker finally ran across the field and crawled under the barbed wire…

He had found the temple!

He did it!

He felt so proud of himself.

“Hey chump!” yelled the farmer. “Back so soon?”

Hiker was back where he started.