The Nastyheroes, Part 1.

Here’s another one of my earlier works.

CAST – Gunman, Clumsyman, Compasswoman, Rohtul, Repusnam, Bank Guard, Old Woman, FBI Agents, Indians, 5 Residents, Jury (12 people), Grand Judge, Newspeople, Gang (5), Ohcuh Honcho, Fouldite, Boy In Black


SETTING – Laboratory. Left of stage are 3 huge boxes. Thunder and lightning. Enter ROHTUL.

ROHTUL: On this miserable night,
I hope to cheer it up for me
By opening the doors to my insides
And releasing the Spirits of Talent
As they spring to life these creations
That will soon dominate all the world
That they shall show that Xam Rohtul
Cannot be, will not be, and never be underestimated.

[Throws switch. Open boxes. Enter GUNMAN, CLUMSYMAN and COMPASSWOMAN]

They move! They are mine,
And wait until they show the world
Who’s coming their way. Gunman has the gun
By which he can fire swiftly and quickly.
Clumsyman, through a mutual accident,
Stumbles as he walks, but does he not,
Stumble in thought! Compasswoman,
My lovely lady, can point North and lead us
Out of Dark Jungles! But, they can move,
But can they speak? Speak!

GUNMAN: Say what?
In these divisions of human technology
Where Man recreates himself through robotics
And he cannot possibly leave us to prosper
The world, because robotics have a masters
Who have a purpose. What is yours?

ROHTUL: What! Know you knot,
Of mankind and his knowledge can make
Himself once again. But, as you know,
He is vulnerable to mankind weapons,
Which can down him and we will never see
Him again! Not robots! Robots, with a powerful
Sense to stop weapons from destroying him,
Have rough metal skinshields and it all makes him
Indestructible to all!

CLUMSYMAN: Who are you, who has created us
And decided to control us? Whoa! (falls)

ROHTUL: I am Rohtul, the evil one. I can make
Anything, including superb robots who can watch
Police wasting time chasing their masters,
Whilst in part can they ride to chase
Their own! POLICE! Ha!

COMPASSWOMAN: Where are we headed?

ROHTUL: California, to destroy its countryside.
But to leave a little bit for me, which will be yours.
You will go to California to destroy its own,
Then set bombs and you will all blow it up
And watch it sink! Hello, Rohlanda! Cities under mine
Will come and I will be next to my destiny,
RICH! Go now, for the sooner, the better!

[Exeunt all but ROHTUL.]

O Kod, help me and my creations!
Despite their fact, that the revaluations
Of Life and mine will keep
Bless me in my tonight’s sleep.



SCENE. Alley. Daytime. Alley is littered. ENTER 5 gangsters and OHCUH HONCHO and NASTYHEROES.

HONCHO: Hey, man, yo trespassin’ our dog poop garden, an’ yoo step on it, an’ you makes it GROW!

GUNMAN: Well, I hope you don’t mind us passing, because we’re off to California.

1: Ha! Off to Californy!

2: Simply outrageous.

3: What’ll we do now, Honcho?

HONCHO: Dunno. Why don’ we ask ’em, if dey comes from Okahoma?

CLUMSYMAN: (stepping up) You mean OKLAhoma.

HONCHO: No, OAKahoma. Des dudes looks like dey comes outta oak trees.

4: That’s funny!

HONCHO: Shut up or I’ll kick ya out of da club. I broke ma foot kickin’ da last on’ out, so, I doan wants ta dos it again.


2: Simply outrageous.

HONCHO: What is?

2: They’re gone.

HONCHO: Huh? (turns) Gone!

2: Simply outrageous.

HONCHO: I’ll KICKS ya out!

5: We gotta hava plan. We got to follow these guys. Did you notice one of them having in his hand a gun?

HONCHO: A gun! We gots to follow those guys.

5: That’s what I said.

HONCHO: Good for you. Let’s go.

[exeunt all]


SCENE. Busy street. Enter OLD WOMAN with bags.

OLD WOMAN: Pity me! These cars are stupid. Right of way laws –

(enter GANG)

HONCHO: Did you see a guy with a gun? (WOMAN screams) I guess not. Danks. Let’s go.

(exit GANG)

WOMAN: (screaming) Help! Help! Help! Some people asked me if I had a gun! Er, some people asked me if somebody had a gun. I may not have a gun, but somebody else has!

(RESPUSMAN lands.)

RESPUSMAN: What’s wrong?

WOMAN: Some people asked me if I had a gun. Er, some people asked me if somebody had a gun. I may not have a gun, but somebody else has!

RESPUSMAN: Oh no! (hurls himself out into street. Car hits him, knocks driver out of car.) Sorry! (takes off into flight.)



SCENE. Countryside. Enter GUNMAN, CLUMSYMAN.

GUNMAN: Where’s Compasswoman?

CLUMSYMAN: She’s gone north.

GUNMAN: It figures. Rohtul said to plant the bombs around here, but we would too much of it. Er, we would LOSE too much of it.

(enter HONCHO)

Look who’s here!

HONCHO: What’cha doin’ in California?

GUNMAN: We are –

CLUMSYMAN: Not going to tell you. This is top secret. Rohtul sent us.

HONCHO: Well, I’ll drink oil and gasoline! I’d better get outta here!

(exeunt HONCHO)

GUNMAN: Heh – We got rid of him. Now to plant the bombs.

(enter FBI agents)

FBI 1: Not to fast there! We’re here to throw you in jail and save California!

GUNMAN: Well, I’ve got a gun in my hand that will finish you off if you don’t scram!

FBI 2: We’ve got guns, too!

GUNMAN: Hey! You’ve got guns! Hey, Clumsy, they’ve got guns!

FBI 3: Yeah, we’ve got guns.


(they fire. FBI flees.)

Let’s plant them now.

SER – (How do you say “continued” in Spanish?)

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