The Sentencing. 

The judge cast me an icy stare.
“Do you have anything to say
Before I pronounce sentence?”
My silence indicated I did not.
“Very well. You stand before me
Charged
With a gazillion counts of being a jerk,
A qualillion counts of being a nimrod,
And a petillion counts of being a first class nincompoop.
Your plea of guilty has been accepted.
I hereby sentence you to a lifetime of planetary arrest
Of which you shall be confined
To Planet Earth
For the rest of your natural life.
May God have mercy on your soul, you big jerk.”