Attempt to destroy Hurricane Matthew goes horribly wrong.

MIAMI – An attempt to destroy Hurricane Matthew with missiles went horribly wrong when an Air Force attack not only failed its objective but instead succeeded in making the massive storm even more dangerous.

This morning a fleet of Air Force fighter jets took off from Homestead Air Force Base and fired missiles aimed at disintegrating the core of Hurricane Matthew. However, hope turned to fear when the missiles got caught in the whirling winds and became part of the storm itself. A second fleet then took off to try shooting down the missiles from the first fleet but their missiles too became part of the hurricane. Then a third fleet attempted to shoot down the missiles from the second fleet during their failed attempt to shoot down the missiles from the first fleet but those missiles too were lost. As a result, Hurricane Matthew now has hundreds of missiles spinning helplessly near its center, a sight too terrifying for people to behold.

Later in the day a visibly shaken governor Rick Scott gave a press conference in which he announced, “Not only do residents have to worry about torrential downpours and strong winds but also the possibility of their homes being destroyed by flying missiles. Only in Florida!”

Governor Scott then issued a mandatory evacuation order for every single resident to leave Florida and seek refuge in any one of the neighboring states except Kansas which still has its tornadoes armed with missiles.

[Maybe this is why we can’t destroy hurricanes. Apologies to Florida governor Rick Scott, the United States Air Force and the entire state of Kansas.]

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