Free the marbles.

My mind is still blown from yesterday’s discovery that the little ball inside a can of spray paint is actually a glass marble. Even more mind-blowing is the thought that this poor marble stays forever trapped inside the can long after you throw it away. It’s time to do something about this silent crisis. It’s time to free the marbles!

I think the paint stores should install a special machine to cut empty spray cans open to free the marbles inside. Here’s how I see it in action. The clerk opens a small door and places the empty spray can on a cradle inside a small, soundproofed chamber. After the door is closed, the clerk presses a button to activate the machine. The machine first weighs the spray can to make sure it’s really empty and then lowers a hydraulic blade to slice the can in half. When the operation is complete, the clerk opens the door to retrieve the marble before presenting it to the customer.

The paint companies need not limit themselves to using just clear marbles in their spray paint. They could use designer marbles, such as the familiar cat-eye design that’s so widespread or create their own swirls of random colors. Maybe even throw in some large shooter marbles too. Something to get the customers excited about marbles again. The possibilities are truly endless.

I have another idea that will also help free the marbles. Imagine shopping for spray paint when you see one with a label that reads,”If this can has a golden marble inside, you could instantly win a million dollars!” I can just about see spray paint sales skyrocket, along with incidents involving spray paint graffiti.

I know these are all novel ideas that won’t likely be taken seriously, but they should at least give you a different perspective of the paint aisle at your nearest store. The next time you see all those cans of spray paint on the shelves, think of all the poor marbles trapped inside. Maybe then a real movement will begin to free them all.

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