50 ways to leave this place.

As I lay in my sleeping bag in the dark, empty apartment, my mind kept replaying the conversation I had with the former landlord, whom I found working at a nearby laundromat.

“So how did Medlee Apartments become abandoned?” I asked.

The former landlord let out a laugh before replying, “Wouldn’t you like to know! Tell you what. Why don’t you spend the night there tonight and find out for yourself. If you’re still there in the morning, I’ll let you stay there for nothing.”

Then my thoughts were interrupted by music that came from outside. Curiously, I glanced out the window and saw nothing but the darkness of night.

Suddenly the music became louder and I could hear singing this time. The song sounded very familiar but the words were different.

She said, “It grieves me so to see you living here
I sure wish there was something I could do to make you disappear.”
I said, “I appreciate that, but would you please explain the 50 ways?”

What kind of song is this?

She said, “Don’t you even think of trying to sleep on it tonight
For you’ll be out of here before the morning light.”
And then it hit me, for she probably was right
There must be 50 ways to leave this place

As if on cue there was a bright flash of lightning accompanied by a clap of thunder that sounded like a giant cymbal crashing as an unseen band began to play. Then I could see zombies appear in the parking lot and begin their march towards the apartment where I was staying as they began to sing.

Just get on your feet, Pete
Run out the door, Flor
No need to be shy, Guy
You are excused
Hop on your bike, Ike
You are not welcome here
So get on your chopper, Hopper
And kindly leave

Before I knew it, the zombies were at my window and trying to break in. I barely had enough time to get everything packed before I ran out the door to my car that aided with my swift departure from the abandoned apartment complex.

My question of how Medlee Apartments became abandoned just got answered, and I felt foolish for ever having asked that question in the first place.

Apologies to Paul Simon

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