The Salesman.

SCENE – Store.

BOSS: Now, Bud, wiser men prosper –

BUD: No, Miller Light men prosper most.

BOSS: Huh?

BUD: What?

(Enter 2 customers)

BOSS: Forget it. Here are your customers.

BUD: Oh – (walks up to customers) Can I help you?

CUSTOMER ONE: I’d like to buy a pair of jeans for him. (points to Customer Two) My son.

BUD: Okay, step this way. I recommend Levi’s jeans. They’re made in the U.S.A., and –

CUSTOMER ONE: So what! Let’s buy these Swapaki jeans. They’re cheaper, too. Size 34, please.

BUD: No! Buy Levi’s. Did you know that those Swapaki jeans are Japanese jeans?

CUSTOMER ONE: They are! Well, let’s get ’em. Size 34.

BUD: When you fart in those jeans, people hear a loud “Skrappafftabbubbulbb!” and that’s embarrassing.

CUSTOMER ONE: No, we’ll take the Japanese jeans anyway.

BUD: And – And those jeans will blow up upon being stretched!

CUSTOMER ONE: Bull! Here, Son. Try these on.

(Customer Two takes the jeans and goes to dressing room at left. Door closes. Then, a loud “Skrappafftabbubbulbb” followed by a loud pop. Door opens, and Customer Two steps out with tattered jeans.)

CUSTOMER ONE: (sighs) Levi’s it is. Size 34.

BUD: Good choice! You’ll receive a 10% discount plus an additional 30% savings –

BOSS: BUD – OUR PROFITS –

BUD: Heh? (pause) – Oh, and you’ll get a 40% deduction from your personal savings.

CUSTOMER ONE: Sure, sure.

BUD: (at cash register) That’ll be 29 dollars. (Customer One pays money) Thank you! (Exit customers) Well, another successful sale.

BOSS: Yes, but you must remember, Bud, wiser men prosper.

BUD: No, Miller Light men prosper most.

(BOSS and BUD exit at opposite ends of stage)

END

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