Recent declassified government documents detail one man’s ill-fated attempt to break wind at speeds exceeding the speed of sound.
The late Arles Eager was oddly obsessed with flatulence and ways to make it louder, for he felt that the louder the noise, the funnier it sounded, and the more popular he would be at parties. So he experimented with various chemical formulas to produce excess amounts of internal gas to gain maximum comedy impact.
Then came the story of a famed test pilot who managed to break the sound barrier in flight. This led Eager to a fateful decision to modify his formula to create gas that would be expelled at extremely high speeds as well. Despite warnings from his esteemed colleagues not to pursue this dangerous obsession, Eager relentlessly worked on his formula until one day he was ready to try it out.
During the early morning hours of on July 24, 1957, Eager arrived at an undisclosed remote location with a few witnesses. Dressed in a test pilot suit and helmet, he walked to the middle of a clearing carrying a vial of his formula before stopping as soon as he was a safe distance from his witnesses. Nodding one last time, he drank his formula from the vial and stood silently as he waited for the formula to take effect. Slowly he felt a rumbling in his stomach before it finally happened.
The flatulence came out so loud and fast that Eager was launched into flight high above the ground. Seconds later his body turned inside out three times before it blew itself apart to bits. Shocked witnesses were able to convince themselves this was all a bad dream before moving on with their lives.
NOTE: I came up with the idea for this story from seeing this tweet from Chuck Yeager, the test pilot who broke the sound barrier 70 years ago.
How many of you are following me on twitter? Would be fun to get to 70,000 for the 70th anniversary of breaking… https://t.co/tVcbxGPYtn
— Chuck Yeager (@GenChuckYeager) October 4, 2017
I really felt like replying that had he attempted to pass gas at speeds past the sound barrier, he wouldn’t be around today. I thought that such a reply would be disrespectful, so I decided to do this post instead.