Hey kids! Wanna be like Jackson? It’s easy! Just lock yourself up in your apartment for 15 years, isolate yourself from the outside world and work on web sites containing some of the most disgusting content online. Then you’ll find yourself posting entries telling the world how sick and lonely you are.
Hey, Jackson here.
I am so fucking scared. It must be from 15 years of isolation. I just can’t handle it anymore. When I’m done updating, I’m killing myself. Watch my suicide online at jacksonssuicide.com. And don’t forget the popcorn.
Jackson Files is indeed something of a phenomenon, if not a controversial one. Jackson seems to take great delight in offending the world with his offerings of the most filthiest, sickening and grossest images and videos ever seen. It’s got him in trouble over and over again but Jackson always wins, reveling in his free speech rights and never slowing down.
So who is this Jackson? Here’s what his entry on NNDB would’ve looked like, had we decided to set one up.
AKA Jack Thorne
Birthplace: North Palm Beach, Florida
Race or Ethnicity: White
Sexual orientation: Matter of Dispute
Nationality: United States
Executive summary: Jackson Files
You read it right. Jackson’s real name is Jack Thorne and is a 52 year old hermit. He has no girlfriend or special male friends, so his sexual orientation remains a mystery. Besides, Jackson has stated he is terrified of dating so it’s unlikely he’ll ever have a significant other.
Many people wonder if Jackson is for real with his tales of loneliness and despair. Or is he making it up? We can tell you that Jackson in fact really the guy he whines about. He really is lonely in a filthy apartment. And at 52 years old and still a virgin? Not even we could make something like that up. This man has some serious issues.
This man does not lie. He really does live like that, in a filthy apartment deemed a health hazard. He’s worn the same pair of underpants the last 20 years he’s been working on his web sites. As a matter of fact, let’s take a tour of Jackson’s filthy home.
Come in through the front door and immediately get overwhelmed with the horrendous odor coming from the apartment. Overhead by the front door is an air conditioning air handler surrounded by fungus, mildew and mushrooms growing on the ceiling. Algae runs down the walls of the main hallway, mixing in a disgusting fishy smell along with the rest of the horrendous odors.
Next is the living room which looks like a toxic waste dump. It’s nearly pitch black because Jackson decided to paint the windows black, keeping out the sunshine and in turn, the cheerfulness that normally comes with apartment living. There are piles of trash everywhere along with broken dishes, shattered glasses and uneaten food lying on the floor, untouched. Mold is everywhere, covering even the clothes. Mushrooms were seen growing on the carpet because it is constantly damp, probably from the leaky air conditioner. Needless to say, the living room smells hideously musty.
Should you desire some delicacies, just stroll over to the kitchen. Problem is, the floor is completely covered with trash, dirty dishes and uneaten food. Most of the food here has rotten to a state that no one can tell what they once were. Yet they still sit on the plate, ready to eat. A glance on the counter reveals more trash and dirty dishes until your eyes catch the most disgusting sight in the kitchen: the kitchen sink. The faucet leaks, and probably has been leaking for years. It’s been dripping in the sink so long that algae, mold and mushrooms are growing in the sink, right on top of the algae-ridden dishes and drinking glasses.
Jackson’s bathroom is hideous. For Jackson it seems to function as a dumpster where he throws in garbage. The pile of garbage in the bathroom is piled high with beer cans, bottles, dirty clothes, newspaper and food. How does Jackson even get in there if he decides to use the bathroom? Perish the thought. Jackson does get sick enough to use the toilet more than frequently, and his toilet overflows often, spilling raw sewage on the floor. Needless to say, the sewage covers all the garbage and soon ferments into a substance with an extremely sickening smell because Jackson does nothing to clean it up. He can’t really clean himself up, really. The sink in the bathroom is also covered with algae and mushrooms because the faucet there leaks. And what about Jackson’s bathtub? It too becomes a garbage dumpster. Should the garbage on the floor reach obscene levels, Jackson shoves everything into the bathtub. The garbage in there is piled high enough to reach the ceiling but Jackson doesn’t care. The faucet in the bathtub leaks also, covering the bathtub and all the garbage with moisture needed by algae and mushrooms to grow there too.
Getting sick yet? If you aren’t, you will once you see Jackson’s bedroom. It too is a landfill with garbage scattered all over the room, blending nicely with Jackson’s clothes. There is even more garbage stuffed in the closet, the dresser and on the bed. The sheets on the bed haven’t been changed in years. The sheets are stiff and brittle from the vomit that’s long since dried up, turning the sheets into cardboard. An air conditioner vent here leaks water that has turned into breeding grounds for algae, mold, mildew and yes, mushrooms. No wonder Jackson is sick all the time. You’d think that once the apartment starts turning dumpy and filthy like it has, he would get the motivation to clean it all up. But no. What does motivation to do Jackson?
I just registered 10 more domain names and will start on some more web sites.
There you are.
UPDATE: We just got a very angry e-mail from Jackson himself, apparently furious that we so humiliated him by giving out his real name. We reprint the e-mail here despite threats for him not for us to do so.
I don’t fucking know how the fuck you got my real name, but I want you fucking assholes to fucking remove it from your fucking site. What you said about me was thoughtless, tasteless and cruel. And I don’t like it one bit. If you have any sense of decency left, then I know you will remove this page from your web site and not even bother printing this e-mail. I have my weapons too and I won’t be afraid to use them. Curious? Then leave this page up and see what the fuck happens.
Thoughtless, tasteless and cruel. Funny how he decided to use the very words that describe the content on all 25 of Jackson’s web sites, to say nothing of the man himself.
Oh wait, there are now 27 sites.