Another fine morning in computer class.

“Good morning, class,” the teacher announced in a somber tone, “today is perhaps the most difficult and uncomfortable day of the entire course. At the same time, it is necessary if you wish to obtain a total understanding of computers and how they work.”

The teacher paused to recompose himself and continued, “On the tables in the back of the room are some computers…” At this point he struggled to find the right words. “…for you to dissect, in teams of two.”

The students gasped in horror.

“You mean we have to take them apart and see what’s INSIDE?” one student stammered.

“I’m sorry,” the teacher muttered.

The students groaned in unison as they slowly rose and reluctantly walked to a group of tables at the back of the classroom. Resting on the tables were computers along with motion sickness bags and small tubs of peanut butter for smearing under the nose to ward off the sickening smell of antiquated computer peripherals.

“You may begin,” the teacher announced. “Restrooms with working toilets are across the hall. Good luck.” Then he quickly sat down on the floor to avoid watching the gruesome dissections about to begin.

The students grabbed the motion sickness bags and smeared the peanut butter under their noses. Slowly they removed the screws holding the side panels in place. Once the panels were removed, several students promptly fainted.

“Be sure to identify the parts!” the teacher called out before placing his head between his knees to keep himself from fainting.

The students stared in horror at the exposed innards of the computers and kept inhaling the fragrance from the peanut butter to stay calm. Yet there the parts were, even more horrific to see in real life, the memory chips, the CPU, the hard drive, the data cables…

“COMPUTER GUTS!” one man screamed as he ran out of the room. Several other students joined him, leaving only a few students behind to lose the last of their calm demeanors while edging ever closer to hysteria.

“Oh, I can’t do this anymore!” one woman shrieked. “These computers shouldn’t be here to be dissected! They should be roaming free all over the world to spread the joy of Internet access!”

“Ma’am,” the teacher offered as he rose to his feet, “if it makes you feel better, these computers died of natural causes.”

“Natural causes?”

“Lighting strike.”

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