Liberating ‘Arking Lot, Part 3.

There I stood, face to face with a fierce gladiator more than twice my height. I looked around for a way out, but all exits were blocked.

Then the gladiator waved his sword, creating such a strong gust of wind that I was swept off my feet before landing square on my rear, right next to the book. I quickly reached for it and desperately sought any advice on how to defeat my opponent.

You again?

“Please,” I muttered as I frantically thumbed through the pages, “I need your help.”

Suddenly the ground shook as the gladiator took one giant step forward closer to where I was sitting. Just two more steps and I’d be smooshed. Not exactly a fitting end to my heroic ambitions. I continued my frantic search for advice from the book but all the pages were blank. And then I came to these words on the very last page.

What would YOU do?

“What’s that supposed to mean?” I asked. “My only weapon is a can of whipped cream, for crying out loud!”

Then I paused to allow the mental pieces presented to assemble themselves in such a logically sound arrangement that I heard a loud clicking sound inside my head. A smile came to my face.

“That’s it,” I said to myself as I slowly rose to my feet. “Sounds crazy, but it just might work.”

The giant gladiator stood menacingly, clenching his sword, ready to strike. I took the can of whipped cream and popped off the lid.

What would YOU do?

I raised the can and filled my mouth with whipped cream.

There.

I stood defiantly, daring the gladiator to make his next move. His face began to register shock and disgust as he let his sword drop to the ground with an earth shattering clang. Slowly he raised his hands and placed them on his head as his eyes widened with horror. Then he opened his mouth and screamed, “EWWWW, YOU SPRAYED WHIPPED CREAM IN YOUR MOUTH!” He began convulsing and jumping in place as seemingly disgusting thoughts materialized. “GERMS! GERMS! YUCK! I HATE GERMS!” he continued screaming. With each jump the soft sand began to give way and the gladiator began to sink into the ground. He was too occupied with his thoughts to notice. Instead, he screamed, “I’LL NEVER HAVE WHIPPED CREAM AS LONG AS I LIVE!” before disappearing underground, never to be seen or heard from again. Then the giant sword too sank into the sand and a few minutes later it was as if nothing had ever happened here in the first place.

Now recovered from this terrifying encounter, I began shining my light around the room to determine my next course of action and spotted a small door at the opposite side. I began my cautious approach knowing full well that behind this door was the Source of All Evil awaiting my arrival and plotting my demise.

I slowly opened the door and walked inside.

Then I screamed.

To be continued…

 

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