I just finished reading Origin, a thrilling and thought-provoking novel by Dan Brown. As is typical of stories I find myself enjoying, I started imagining my own humorous twists and turns, such as this possible ending.
At last. The late Edmond Kirsch’s controversial video presentation was set to stream over the Internet, despite countless protests from religious leaders and followers alike from all over the globe. They tried their best to prevent the presentation from airing, which was probably why Kirsch was murdered in the first place. But none of that mattered now. His friend and mentor Robert Langdon had gained access to the presentation itself and, determined to honor his friend’s legacy, began the streaming. Within seconds Kirsch’s face appeared on computer screens all over the world.
“Hello,” Kirsch said, “I’m sure you’re curious about my big discovery that definitively answers the two big questions that we’ve been asking ourselves since the beginning of time, or more specifically, the beginning of our existence on this planet. Those questions are, Where did we come from, and Where are we going?
“Throughout the centuries, countless scientists have tackled these questions and despite their best efforts, failed to even come close to providing some satisfactory answers. But none of these scientists had the technology and resources that I have.
“For you see, through my own research, I have solved the puzzle of our origins as well as where we’re headed. I know exactly how the universe began and how life originated on Earth, and I have the evidence and calculations to prove it. The huge publicity surrounding my discovery has generated tremendous amounts of controversy that has threatened my safety, which is why I am videotaping this presentation ahead of time in the likely event that someone may try to silence me.
“Well, you all have waited long enough. It is time for me to reveal our exact origins, starting with the beginning of the universe and how it began. For you see, it all began like this.”
The camera began closing in on Kirsch’s face as he looked down to the floor, presumably for dramatic effect. Then his eyes met the camera once again as he raised his hands to the sides of his head with thumbs in his ears.
“A booga booga booga!” he yelled before turning around and crashing through the wall behind him, leaving behind an opening that saw him running off towards the trees on the horizon.
Robert Langdon shook his head with a trace of a smile while watching the presentation streaming on his phone.
Ever the eccentric, ever the prankster.
Apologies to Dan Brown