Bruce’s TV Card.

Finally. My new TV was all set up. I plopped down on the couch, put the batteries in the remote and switched the TV on. I was in the midst of going through the setup screens when I heard a knock on the door. Curiously, there was nothing there but a small package resting on my doorstep. I brought the package inside and opened it to find a note.

Congratulations on the purchase of your new TV.

Now how did they know that?

You may be wondering if you’re truly getting the amazing picture quality you’re paying for.

I already am. My TV happens to be one of the top-of-the-line models with the ultimate in picture reproduction technology, thank you very much.

Well, you’re wrong.

Huh?

Hi, I’m Bruce, inventor of the world-famous Bruce’s TV Card.

World famous? Never heard of him.

Today’s your lucky day. You’re about to unleash the true potential of your new TV, and everything you need is enclosed in the package.

Let’s see, a PCIe card and a bunch of colored cables held together by a rubber band. Did I miss anything?

No, that’s it.

What??

Now let’s walk you through the simple steps to get your new card installed. Grab a screwdriver and remove the fifty screws holding the back panel of your TV in place. Going ahead, we’ll wait. LOL😀

Did I just read “LOL😀”?

Yes, you did. How’s the screw removal going?

This is getting creepier by the minute.

10 minutes later, I had all 50 screws removed.

Now let’s take off that back panel. Don’t let the sight of what you are about to see scare you.

Still not believing I was doing this, I located the edges of the rear panel and slowly removed it from the TV. Then I gasped. I found myself staring at a circuit board that had rows and rows of perhaps dozens of expansion slots labeled with some very cryptic-sounding names such as QDJ and WHB++.

What’s this?

A slot labeled “Bruce’s TV Card”?

By now you should have found the slot labeled “Bruce’s TV Card”.

No 💩.

In your package is the card that fits in that slot. We’ll wait.

I slid the card into its slot until I heard a click as the miniature clamps locked it in place.

Now let our technicians do the rest.

Suddenly there was a knock on the door. In marched a team of five technicians armed with toolboxes as they gathered around my TV with their tools at the ready. While I did my part of the job by questioning the timing of their arrival, they took the cables from the package and soldered them to the circuit board through a stunning display of flashing sparks and heavy smoke that filled the living room. By the time the smoke cleared, the technicians were gone and my TV stood reassembled with its rear panel back in place.

We’re all done. Now you get to see what your new TV can really do. Go ahead, grab the remote. I think you’ll like what you’ll see.

I grabbed the remote and switched the TV on.

Wow.

Just wow.

This is amazing.

I’ll let you go right here.

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