Morbid Spanish.

Time for my daily Spanish lesson. Not that I want to but it’s the way the app reminds me by flashing my phone’s flashlight and making a loud buzzing noise that doesn’t quit until I launch the Spanish lesson app.

Here we go.

Ver a la abuela.

See Grandma. That’s an easy one.

Ver al abuelo.

See Grandpa.

Ver a la abuela levantar el hacha.

See Grandma pick up the axe.

Ver a la abuela cortarle la cabeza al abuelo con el hacha.

See Grandma chop off Grandpa’s head with the axe? What kind of Spanish lesson is this?

Ver al abuelo sin cabeza perseguir a los niños por la calle.

See the headless Grandpa chase the kids down the street? I don’t think I want to finish this.

Vea a los niños jugar al fútbol con la cabeza del abuelo.

See the kids play soccer with Grandpa’s head. I am seriously giving thought to quitting this app and uninstalling it. Heck, I might just quit learning Spanish altogether, not with these stories the way they are. And I thought yesterday’s story about the vampire shopping for garlic was strange. I try closing the app but the story continues.

Vea a los niños beber ponche de frutas con la abuela y el abuelo.

See the kids drink fruit punch with Grandma and Grandpa. That’s more like it. But I thought Grandpa was headless.

Excepto que no es ponche de frutas.

Except it’s not fruit punch?

Vea a los niños convertirse en vampiros y volar hacia la noche.

See the kids turn into vampires and fly into the night. How nice.

Finally, the lesson is over. But that doesn’t mean the end to this strange Spanish lesson. No, that means it’s time for the end-of-story questions. Time to get this over with and get my 50 gems for the day to keep my learning on track. And why does it feel like someone’s watching me?

1. How many vampire kids are watching you right now?

So that’s the strange feeling I got. I turned around and saw a whole group of beady red eyes staring at me from outside the window. No use getting scared here, I have a Spanish lesson to finish.

Uno, dos, tres…

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