Regarding runaway forklifts.


This past week we lost two more of our forklifts when our operators failed to follow appropriate protocol and left them running and in gear. As a result they ran away across the street and disappeared into the canal along with the other 24 forklifts that have similarly disappeared over the past year.

Team, we cannot stress this enough. When you are finished using the forklift, put it in neutral gear, engage the parking brake and turn the engine off. If you unboard the forklift while it is running and in gear, it will run away. Frankly, we’re surprised you didn’t pick up on that from our safety video featuring Dickhead the Clown.

Had you all been more mindful of securing the forklift after each use, we wouldn’t have blown our annual budget just to keep replacing them. But since we have no more money in our budget, we will have no choice but to start taking money out of your paychecks and our monthly party fund. If worst comes to worst we may have to usurp funds from your annual raises and lottery pool winnings.

You are all a bunch of morons, you know that?

Thank you in advance for your anticipated cooperation in this matter.

The Management

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