Ian’s surreal vacation.

“Ian, wake up!”

Steve excitedly shook Ian out of his sleep. As Ian slowly woke up and his consciousness set in, he was momentarily startled by the unfamiliar surroundings.

Ian was in what looked like a small motel room with two beds and antiquated furniture from the 1960’s. His friend Steve stood in front of him, beaming with excitement. Funny, Ian didn’t remember checking into a motel…

“Come on, Ian!” Steve urged excitedly. “Get dressed and let’s go!”

“Go where?”

“Did you forget already? We’re going to Unversal Studios.”

“What?” Ian was caught off guard by Steve’s odd pronunciation. “What was that?”

“Get dressed already! I can’t wait any longer.” Steve became impatient.

Ian rose from bed and put on the clothes that were in his suitcase at the foot of the bed. After tying his shoes, Ian stood up and sighed, “Okay, let’s go.”

“Hooray!” Steve yelled and excitedly dashed for the door like a dog excited to go outside. Ian opened the door and right away they were at a famous outdoor shopping center with stores and restaurants near two well-known amusement parks. At first the sight looked familiar and welcoming, but over time things would not appear as they seemed. Ian turned around and expected to see the door to their room but there was no trace of their motel.

“Welcome to Shitty Walk!” Steve announced, interrupting Ian’s thoughts.

Ian became more confused than ever. “Don’t you mean City Walk?”

“What the hell is a city walk?” Steve asked with confusion in his voice. Then he pointed at something behind Ian and asked, “What does that say?”

Ian turned around and gasped. There on a giant pole was a sign that read WELCOME TO THE WORLD FAMOUS SHITTY WALK.

Then Ian began looking around and could not believe his eyes. Nearby was Jimmy Muppet’s Argharitaville and across the artificially flavored lake was the Hard Sock Café with the Rotten Teeth Laxative Deplorium just next door.

What is this place?

“Come on, Ian, let’s go!”

Ian obeyed Steve’s command and caught up with him, although he had to maintain a quickened pace just to keep up with him.

“Wait a minute, Steve,” Ian huffed. “Are we going the right way? Unless we’re going to Islands of Adventure.”

What?” Steve shot back. “What’s wrong with you today? For your information, there is no such place as Islands of Adventure. If you’re talking about Aisles of Excitement, then it’s the other way. We’re going to Unversal Studios, and there it is!”

Ahead was a giant rotating cube with a crudely painted map of the world along with the words UNVERSAL STUDIOS at the base.

“Unversal Studios?” Ian read the unusual words. “Must be a typo.”

Steve began laughing hysterically. “Oh, Ian, you’re a riot!”

The two walked on and entered the park. Ian noticed there were no admission booths for paying to get in, but he decided not to bring that up. There was too much for his brain to digest already.

“So what do you want to ride first?” Steve asked. “Oh, don’t tell me, you want to go on Bugga Boo!”

Ian’s head began to hurt.

“Are you okay, Ian?” Steve asked. “You look like your head’s starting to hurt. Oh, there it is!”

Steve pointed at a plain white building that looked nothing like a ride.

“Oh,” Ian laughed, “you have to go to the restroom.”

“What restroom? That’s the Bugga Boo! Let’s go!”

Steve led Ian past The Great Movie Flop Ride towards the plain building that had the small words “Bugga Boo” written in black crayon. There was a plain white door that led them inside.

When the door closed behind them, Ian and Steve were left standing in pitch black darkness. The silence was so intense that it felt like the two of them had lost their sense of hearing.

“Steve?’ Ian spoke up. “Where are you?”

Ian began taking small steps in the darkness while desperately reaching for something to grasp.

Suddenly, a deep voice from nowhere belched, “Bugga.”

Ian was so startled he nearly lost his balance as if he were walking across a tightrope while blindfolded, only he wasn’t. Or was he?


No answer. The only sound Ian heard was his own heart pumping furiously, and he could almost hear the blood flowing through his veins.

Suddenly strobe lights in the room began flashing as Ian saw an oversized skeleton swaying and frantically flailing its arms.

“BOO!” a shrill voice screeched from the loudspeakers hidden in the room.

“YIPE!” Ian suddenly sat up in his bed, his sleep interrupted by what had been a nightmare. As his mind quickly adjusted to the reality that had quickly replaced the bizarre events of his dream, he let out a long sigh before reclining back to his previously held resting position.

“That’s the last time I’ll ever have a green egg and ham pizza,” Ian muttered.


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