You know you’re out of shape when you fall down, and while trying to get back up, you rock yourself to sleep.
From The Daily Groaner:
Once there was a haunted house on the edge of town. The ghost which ‘lived’ there was feared by all.
However, an enterprising journalist decided to get the scoop of the day by photographing the fearsome phantom. When he entered the house, armed with only his camera, the ghost descended upon him. He told the ghost “I mean no harm – I just want your photograph”. The ghost was quite happy at this chance to make the headlines – he posed for a number of ghostly shots.
The happy journalist rushed back to his dark room, and began developing the photos. Unfortunately, they turned out to be black and underexposed.
So what’s the moral of the story? The spirit was willing but the flash was weak.
Five men named Evan and one named Jack played Steven King at simultaneous Chess.
Five of the men were ill and eating chicken stew on a “tenth bowl is free” deal. They earned their free bowl just as Steven got his pawn to the enemy side of the board.
A stew free for five sick Evans ate nine then Jack queened King.
A man was driving down the road and ran out of gas. Just at that moment, a bee flew in his window.
The bee said, ‘What seems to be the problem?’
‘I’m out of gas,’ the man replied.
The bee told the man to wait right there and flew away. Minutes later, the man watched as an entire swarm of bees flew to his car and into his gas tank. After a few minutes, the bees flew out.
‘Try it now,’ said one bee.
The man turned the ignition key and the car started right up. ‘Wow!’ the man exclaimed, ‘what did you put in my gas tank’?
The bee answered, “BP!”
A newscaster interrupted scheduled programming to announce the outcome of a political election. “More on candidates at 10 p.m.,” he said. My ten-year-old granddaughter Ashley looked at me in disbelief. “I didn’t know they could call politicians ‘morons’ on TV.”
Q: What did the sailor see when he looked in the toilet?
A: The Captain’s Log.