A skull with a Styrofoam cup on its head.
Be very afraid.
A skull with a Styrofoam cup on its head.
Be very afraid.
The following is a true story that took place earlier this afternoon while at work.
I had just finished my afternoon break and began my walk from the break room to the parking lot where I collect shopping carts. Along the way I passed a Halloween display at the front of the store with various decorations and props for sale. Suddenly my eyes caught a glimpse of some wolf masks falling to the floor with no one nearby. There wasn’t even anyone at the Halloween display. Maybe someone was looking at the masks moments earlier and then restacked them unevenly for them to fall later. But how would that be possible? My mind was swimming with questions.
I picked up the masks and put them back on the shelf. Every so often I would pass by the Halloween display to see if the masks had fallen again. This time they stayed put. Perhaps the poltergeist knew I was watching…
“Oscar, can I speak to you for a moment?”
Robert stood at the doorway to Oscar’s office with a sense of urgency. The situation at the Information Systems department had escalated to the point where it was necessary for Oscar, the Chief Information Officer, to intervene.
“Sure, Robert, what’s going on?” Oscar motioned Robert inside his office.
Robert sat down. “Halloween was last week and Kevin doesn’t want to remove the decorations.”
Oscar snorted. “Is that all? What, is the paper skeleton still taped to the door?”
Robert shook his head. “No, it’s way more than that. Kevin removed all the fluorescent lights in our office and replaced them with black-lights, then he bought 25 pounds of dry ice to create such a heavy fog that we can’t see what we’re doing. He’s got glow-in-the-dark props everywhere and decorations that keep getting in the way. On top of that he’s got a CD player playing the same Halloween sounds all day and it’s annoying everyone to no end. Oscar, this is not a pleasant situation.”
“So why don’t we just take them down?”
“That’s the problem,” Robert replied. “Kevin doesn’t want anyone to take anything down. He likes the new setting so much that he wants to leave it like that all year round.”
“That does it,” Oscar rose to his feet. “I’m getting to the bottom of this right now.”
Robert and Oscar both left the office and walked down the hallway to the Information Systems department. As they approached they could hear Charles yelling.
“I want these black-lights taken down, they’re hurting my eyes!”
“No, everything stays where they they are! I like it like this!” Kevin countered.
As Oscar approached the entrance to the department, he couldn’t believe his eyes. There was such a thick fog from all the dry ice that it was impossible to see inside the office except for a few glow-in-the-dark decorations illuminated by the black-lights. Then Oscar got close enough where he could see Charles standing outside Kevin’s office.
“Halloween’s been over for a WEEK!” Charles bellowed. “I’m tired of all this fog and annoying Halloween sound effects! You may like it like this, but I don’t! I won’t do any more work until all this is taken down!”
“For the last time, we are not taking anything down! Now get back to work before I write you up!” Kevin fired back.
“GAARGH!” Charles roared, turning around to grab a rack on which suspended a life-sized glow-in-the-dark skeleton. He held the rack like a fishing rod and waved the skeleton around in Kevin’s office. Kevin was so terrified at the sight of the dancing skeleton that he let out a scream of terror before falling to the floor after fainting.
Needless to say, all the decorations were promptly removed.
Sherri nervously walked up to Bob’s cubicle and said, “Boss, it’s 8 more days until Halloween…”
Bob’s face turned red. “And what, pray tell, am I supposed to do with that useless piece of information?” he snarled.
“We haven’t decorated our side of the call room yet!”
“SO WHAT!” he hissed.
Sherri pointed to the rest of the call room, which was festively decorated with autumn-themed paper leaves hanging from the ceiling among the fake cobwebs strung between the cubicles and the collage of Halloween decorations on the walls that spanned nearly the entire room except for the section where Bob’s team worked.
“See?” Sherri said. “We’re the only team without decorations!”
“FINE!” Bob bellowed, standing up. From his desk drawer he pulled out a single black balloon, raised it to his lips and began to inflate it. The balloon grew larger and larger with each breath and soon it swelled to the point where it burst with a loud bang. There were scattered yelps of terror from agents who jumped at the sudden loud noise.
“There’s your Halloween scare!” Bob yelled to the startled agents. Turning to Sherri, he handed her the broken balloon stem. “Here, hang that up.”
And so the agents in the call room continued working in the presence of paper leaves hanging from the ceiling, fake cobwebs strung between the cubicles and Halloween decorations covering the walls. Bob’s team too continued working, trying their best to ignore the broken balloon stem now hanging from the ceiling over their heads.
To: All Employees
From: The Boss
Subject: Halloween decorating
Since Halloween is just around the corner, I figured it’s time to get into the spirit by decorating our department like we do every year. For this year I’ve been doing some brainstorming and think if we all chipped in, we can replace all the fluorescent light bulbs with blacklights and then decorate the office with scary decorations that glow in the dark.
I also think we should set up a mock cemetery in our office complete with styrofoam tombstones and zombie mannequins we can put under the floor where the network cables are run. Since there are 7 of us in our department we can get 7 mannequins and 7 tombstones with our names on them.
Near the entrance to our department I’m planning on setting up a large plastic cauldron filled with dry ice and next to it will be an animated, life-sized talking skeleton which will hang from the ceiling. To top things off, we should throw in a fog machine and a strobe light to further add to the ambiance. Oh yeah, and let’s not forget the portable CD player playing Halloween sound effects CD’s.
I have calculated the prices for our decorations and have come up with the following price list:
BLACKLIGHT FLUORESCENT BULBS = $11 X 60 BULBS = $660
ZOMBIE MANNEQUINS = $40 X 7 = $280
STYROFOAM TOMBSTONES = $20 X 7 = $140
PLASTIC CAULDRON = $12
DRY ICE = 100 POUNDS FOR $100
TALKING SKELETON PROP = $37.99
FOG MACHINE = $29.99
FOG MACHINE REFILL = 5 BOTTLES x 39.95 = $199.95
STROBE LIGHT = $15.99
PORTABLE CD PLAYER = $43
HALLOWEEN SOUND EFFECTS CD’S = $15 x 10 CD’S = $150
ASSORTED DECORATIONS = $50
TOTAL = $1718.92
Your individual share comes to $245.56. I’ll be coming around later this afternoon to collect the money and the sooner we have it, the sooner we can get started with our decorating! Let’s make this the best Halloween ever!!!!
I was in a bit of a Halloween spirit today so I went to the store and got myself some Nightmare on Elm Street shot glasses. Prominently featured on the front of the glasses is the unmistakable face of Freddy Kreuger.
Let me get this straight. I’m supposed to keep some shot glasses bearing the likeness of Freddy Krueger away from fire, the very substance that transformed Freddy into the lovable movie monster he is. If he got that nasty the first time he got torched, who knows how much worse it’s going to be the second time around.