The blogging helmet.


I’m about to test a new gadget called a blogging helmet, which allows you to blog in your sleep. Curiously, it’s made from plastic and has many small holes either for ventilation or straining spaghetti. Setting it up was very simple. I just hooked up to my computer using the USB cable and ran the included software to have it capture my innermost thoughts to a blog post during the night. In the morning there should be a rough draft of the post for me to edit for clarity, profanity and grammar. The helmet is a bit clunky and uncomfortable but I’m willing to try it out anyway. Here goes.

Where am I? Is this thing on? Is the software running? I hope so. I seem to be in some dark, dimly lit hallway. It seems to go on forever. Wait a minute, to my right seems to be another hallway just around the corner. I’m turning the corner and surprise, another very long hallway. What’s this? It looks like there’s something up ahead but it’s too far away to see what it is. I might as well go this way. I think I hear something. Or is it just my imagination? Oh wait, this IS my imagination. Okay, I can hear it now. It’s getting louder, like footsteps. Now it sounds like it’s coming from behind. What IS that? I turn around to see a BOUNCING PINK TENNIS BALL AAAAARRRGGGGHHHHHHHH

Maybe the world’s not ready for a blogging helmet. On the other hand, it does a wonderful job straining spaghetti.

Fart to English Translator.

When you fart, your body is doing more than releasing excess gas. It’s also speaking a language all its own, a language too often mistaken for rude noises. It was recently discovered that farting noises actually contain hidden messages that reveal what the body is really thinking. Why your body sees it necessary to hide these messages in flatulent noises is a matter of debate in the scientific community but the discovery of hidden messages in farts has gained widespread acceptance.

London-based Fartle Systems Limited embarked on a ambitious research project to translate farting noises to English and has now reached a point where it is asking the public for help in testing its theory. Below is a Java applet that uses your microphone for input. Simply stand with your posterior at least 3 inches away from the microphone and fart as you normally do. You will see the translated text immediately.


The doorway illusion.

At the opposite end of the call room where I work is a small office where one of the managers work. From where I’m sitting, I can only see the side wall inside the office. If I stare at the doorway long enough, my eyes begin playing tricks on me and it appears to change form. I try to recreate the illusion here in hopes that you too will see what I saw.