A man in my family named Dwight
Ate too many beans in one bite
Only then did he start
The world’s longest fart
His body deflated last night

I can understand how you are feeling
I’m hoping you can start healing
But at least I did have
A much-needed laugh
When your birthday cake flew to the ceiling

“My ambition,” the cookie sheet said,
“Is provoking raw feelings of dread.
It’s going to be fun
Working under the sun
As a sign that says ‘No Turn On Red’.”

This could be the funniest poem
Its punchline will really hit home
But there’s one thing I need
Before we proceed
Your credit card number in foam

“Bad news,” said a sad Dr. Hune,
“The surgery ended too soon.
We barely got started
Just when your spouse farted,
We fled from the obnoxious fumes.”

“This limerick’s a fat waste of time!
I think reading it should be a crime!”
After those words were said
Our hero was dead
When he drowned in a pool full of slime

There once was a girl named Lorraine
Who went for a flight on a plane
She made it okay
To Chesapeake Bay
But her luggage got flown into Spain

There once was a self-righteous fool
Who decided to go to the zoo
To ponder the fact
How the lions react
When he opens a can of cat food

There once was a brilliant artist
Whose approach to his art was uncharted
Paint balls up his ass
And his really bad gas
Made works of art each time he farted