Mindfulness in a nutshell.

Lately I’ve been practicing mindfulness to help me cope with insane levels of anxiety I’ve been feeling lately. It is possible for me to control this anxiety by giving my mind something else to focus on besides the problems that keep stressing me out. I recently found this article that describes a very simple but effective technique that eliminates my anxiety in less than a minute. In essence, this is the concept of mindfulness in a nutshell, and it really works. Trust me on this.

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The visitors that wouldn’t leave.

I woke up this morning hoping for the best, but my hopes were quashed when I heard a loud belch from the living room. No wait, make that two large belches from the two unwelcome visitors in my house.

I sleepily put my clothes on and made my way to the living room where the visitors were seated on the couch, watching TV as usual.

“Oh, I’m sorry,” said Nuyawk, “did we wake you?”

“We were just having ourselves a little burping contest,” chuckled Nujersi. “Oh, by the way, you’re out of soda.”

“But I just got some yesterday!” I blurted. “A full 24-pack!”

Nuyawk addressed my protests with another loud burp.

It’s been like this since last November. That was when Nuyawk and Nujersi just barged in my home and have since spent their entire time just lounging around my house and hastily consuming my limited supplies of food and drinks. I was hoping they would leave right after Easter but here it is, almost May and they’re still here, staying way past their welcomes. I’d put up with them the best I could but despite my dropping subtle hints regarding my annoyance, they disregarded my feelings altogether and continued staying at my house. This time, however, I decided to try a more direct approach.

“No one’s making you stay,” I said. “You can leave anytime you want, you know.”

“What’s the rush?” asked Nuyawk. “We like it here.”

“Not all of us here are on vacation,” I went on.

“But the rest of us are!” Nujersi laughed.

“Yah,” Nuyawk agreed, “and that means someone has to work.”

I went right to the point. “So are you two leaving or not?”

“Heck no,” Nuyawk replied. “We can stay here as long as we want. No one’s forcing us to leave, not even you.”

That was all I could take. I stormed out of the house and went for a short walk to try formulating a better plan for ridding my house of these unwelcome pests. It was then I saw my next door neighbor seated outside his front door while looking very distressed.

“Good morning Nick,” I said.

“Nothing good about it,” Nick muttered, “not with these unwelcome visitors in my house.”

“You too, huh?”

“I’ve had it with them. I plea for them to leave until I’m blue in the face but they just don’t listen.”

“I hear you,” I consoled. “I’m not having much luck with my visitors either. I make it clear they can leave anytime they want but neither of them listen to me.”

“So you got two visitors, huh?” Nick raised his head.

“Yeah.”

“Lucky you. I’ve got three.”

Then a bedroom window near Nick opened and Nothcalina’s head appeared.

“Hey boss! The toilet’s clogged again!”

The tragedy of Haumea.

There was once a peculiar dwarf planet in our solar system known as Haumea. Little was known about it except its unusual, elliptical shape from its rapid spinning most likely caused by a collision with a large passing object. NASCA (National Aeronautics and Space Conquistador Administration) launched the Pikabu space probe that sent back the first images of Haumea, allowing us to get a first glimpse of the elusive planet. Not long after the Pikabu sent its first image, it was whacked like a baseball into deep space when it was struck by one of the planet’s elongated edges. But that first image gave us some valuable insight.

Much of Haumea was covered with ice, making it an ideal source of water for manned missions venturing to the outer skirts of the solar system. Astronauts enthused at the prospects of using their sleds and ice skates to traverse the planet’s vast icy terrain. And so, the first manned mission to Haumea was planned with the launch of the USS Fiasco.

However, the mission ended in tragedy when the Fiasco was whacked like a baseball into deep space while trying to land on the rapidly spinning planet. The ship and its crew were lost forever.

As is standard procedure when it comes to missions with fatal mishaps, NASCA launched the USS Hasta La Vista Baby to destroy Haumea to avenge the demise of the lost crew. The planet was indeed blown up to tiny smithereenies before the fragments were harvested and flown back to Earth for sale as garden mulch at Dome Hepot stores. The extraterrestrial mulch was in such demand that customers were greatly upset when supplies ran out. But that’s another story altogether and shall be told another time.

Operation Snow Shovel.

It’s a known fact that all visitors to Florida are required to leave the state after Easter. However, these visitors think themselves as being too clever to comply with the native residents’ wishes to have their beloved home state back after surrendering it to the visitors’ hostile takeover during a lengthy occupation otherwise known as “tourist season”. The residents’ pleas have repeatedly fallen on deaf ears and the governors of the visitors’ home states have failed to take action to resolve this crisis.

Well, residents have taken matters into their own hands by launching an ambitious operation to round up and remove these unwelcome visitors by force. Nicknamed “Operation Snow Shovel”, it consists of dozens of helicopters flying over Florida’s major roads and highways while keeping a sharp lookout for out of state visitors. Should one be spotted, the helicopter lowers a powerful magnet and lifts the offending car off the road and flies the car to the state border. If the visitors tries to re-enter Florida, they are pelted with squishy oranges.

Needless to say, Operation Snow Shovel has not been popular with visitors who still insist on staying in Florida beyond their welcome. However, the operation continues as native residents ponder other strategies to regain their sacred homeland and prevent it from falling into the hands of unwelcome visitors who insist on carrying out their annual tradition of “tourist season”. Rumor has it that natives are considering enlisting the services of a certain city in Florida known for launching missions to outer space.